How to Let Go of Someone You Just Broke Up With
1. Don’t label yourself as the victim.
Trust in Divine Timing and that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes people break up so that they can one day get back together even stronger than ever before. Remember- you’re NOT a victim. God has your back and is on your team. At least, you were with the person you loved at some point in life and they knew you loved them. You’re an achiever- by being with this person, you’ve mastered something within yourself. So this person was a blessing, whether you could see it or not. This experience happened for YOUR joy and happiness, not against you. It is a gift, not a curse. Life is a temporary thing, and so are relationships. Just because they end, it doesn’t mean you failed, and it doesn’t mean love is no longer present.
2. Do not rush the grieving process.
DROP ALL ACTIVITIES and make your feelings the number one priority. Set up your timer on your phone and spend as many hours as you need to grieve the loss of that person in your life. It is okay to feel angry to the point where you want to scream. Don’t be afraid to cry, to feel absolutely lost, to feel a burning rage inside yourself. If you feel like you cannot breathe, stay with that feeling. Everyday, the explosive feeling within will start to ease more and more and your stomach will feel smoother and less tighter. Give yourself as much time to heal as you think you need.
3. Don’t go back to the relationship if you are genuinely unhappy and miserable.
And don’t think it “didn’t work out.” It did work out- but it isn’t working out now. And that’s perfectly normal. Sometimes we outgrow relationships like we outgrow clothes because people change in goals, beliefs, and worldviews, even in marriages. We adjust in levels of compatibility, especially because one person is always working or lives too far away or our families don’t approve of the other person. Sometimes one of us loves the person more than they love us. Realize that just because you love someone, that doesn’t mean you have to be with them forever. It doesn’t mean they weren’t meant to be in your life- it just means they weren’t mean to be there at this period in time. And that’s okay; you can still love them from afar. People need space, especially in an intense twin-flame relationship where your qualities are a (not-always-so-obvious) mirror of the other person. There are NO mistakes- there are only learning lessons. Life works FOR you, not against you, so you should not take what is happening personally. Sometimes, uncomfortable changes occur in our life- it doesn’t mean we don’t love the other person. It just means we are no longer compatible, especially since our needs are not being met in the relationship.
4. Realize that although the close bond you once shared is now over, you can still be friends with the person.
You don’t have to cut all contact if you’re not ready to do so. In fact, if you really loved yourself, you would not just cut all contact coldly and brutally. You would still check up on the person occasionally, asking how they are doing (unless they are psychopathically abusive and a stalker of course). You can still wish them well, anyhow.
5. Trust in the Divine and stop trying to keep the relationship alive with all your might.
Don’t exhaustedly hold the other person’s ankles and beg them not to leave. You don’t need the other person- you just need to trust that everything is happening for you and not against you. If the other person is meant to be in your life again in the future, they will come back. However, that doesn’t mean you need them at all- you don’t.
6. Be aware of the lessons you have learned, however not in a strict disciplinary way.
Instead, look at the event as a whole. Ask What did this person teach me about myself?
7. For your next relationship, learn to get to know the person well enough before you make any commitment or gain expectations.
Don’t believe whatever the other person says. Look at their actions and most importantly- their intentions. Have enough respect to study the person inside and out before you jump into a relationship with the person. Don’t feel pressured to jump into anything you’re not ready for out of loneliness, peer pressure, or obligation. Remember, relationships should be a source of joy. They are not meant to be constantly sorrowful and burdensome. Although there are some serious points in every healthy relationship, overall, you should feel safe to be who you are with the other person. There should be no jealous games, manipulation, or struggle for control. Understand that although you may be in love with someone who is controlling, manipulative, jealous, and obnoxious, you will get hurt and feel stuck if you stay in the relationship. It is hard to give up someone with such a flawed character whom you love, but the other person will seriously respect you if you respect yourself enough to walk away from the abuse because you know deep down inside, enough is enough and you don’t want to surround yourself with the others’ negative energy directed at hurting you. It’s not easy to give up someone you love, but remember- your health and well-being is more important than the other person. Would you put your hand in a bucket of fire? So why would you keep going back to the same person who hurts you over and over again. Don’t go back!
8. If you feel like the other person has succeeded and broke your heart and you are afraid of what happens in the future with the other person, make a list of all the ways THEY ARE THE VICTIM, not you.
Look at them as the hurt child crying out for help and expressing themselves in the only way that they know how.
9. Remember, when you take time to provide joy for yourself and be kind to yourself, your relationships (whether they are romantic in nature or not) will flow more smoothly, you daily life will be more harmonious, and you will be less dependent on others to complete you.
You will feel complete inside already. The more you genuinely respect yourself, the less likely you will jump in a relationship that is not healthy for you. Remember, your self-esteem or sense of self-worth should never be tied to your relationship status. Yes, there is someone out there for you. But do you need them? No. Even, when we love someone, when we have self-worth, we are disciplined enough to walk away from them when they are hurting us.
It makes us strong, not weak.
About the author: Neda is a psychology student. She loves screenwriting, art, Rumi poetry, traveling, philosophy, and studying esoteric spirituality and religion. Her favorite spiritual author growing up was Deepak Chopra. She currently offers life-enhancing advice free of charge.
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