Authenticity and masculinity.
These are two roads that are intersecting for me recently. They are actually running parallel seeking to become one. As my inner work continues with my own personal sessions, I am finding this nexus of authentic, masculine leadership to be my next going on place. It reverberates with a lot of questions and curiosities.
Who is this authentic masculine within?
When has it showed up and when has it not?
These are self-loving questions and not a judgment as to when it hasn’t.
As a man that has realized his own inner feminine leanings, this is sacred ground. I have been feeling my inner feminine, Genevieve, becoming more comfortable in my heart as an integral part of who I am as a man. With this relaxing, the suppressed masculine within is coming to the surface to find His authentic place on the throne next to her.
As with any suppressed masculine, it comes with an edgy, maybe even defensive, energy, as it has not really had much practice being out in the world. As that energy comes into me I feel this a part of me. His name is Sarge (for Sergeant). As repressed masculine, he came to me as an inner punisher. Yelling and judging to be heard. That was a deep process of feeling him and his vulnerabilities and needs.
What I felt recently in my session with Jelelle, was how this authentic masculine energy had been neutralized in protection against my father’s rage and the perception of my mother’s fragility. A dynamic that stunted this initiation into the world. In some ways, at the age of 48, I feel like this is the beginning of this initiation. I had to be with some reaction to that only to feel how this is the way it has just played itself out.
In this initiation, I am dropping this old relationship to Woman (via Mom) and Man (via Dad) to feel what my authentic masculine leadership needs/wants as well as its effect on my feminine and younger parts. It is a process of moving from Knight to King on the chessboard of growth. I feel the kings of my Metasoul eager to guide me and activate me on this journey.
In the past, this felt like a scary place, but now it feels sacred. It feels natural and ripe. With it comes uncertainty and unpredictability, but that feels alive to this arising masculine. It is the wounded masculine that seeks order and the known. The true King has the Order within and brings that energy to all that is around Him. I feel into Divine Father this moment more than I ever have.
It is this Return to King that I want to make transparent to all the men that feel this in their hearts and souls. It is from this place that I seek to serve and lead. Amen.
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