LoveHasWon Special Testimonial ~ Mother I Just Need to Say This to You.
LoveHasWon Special Testimonial ~ Mother I Just Need to Say This to You
By Harriet Watson
Mother I just need to say this to you. Thank you so much for saving my life! Thank you so much for giving me the chance to fulfill my promise to you. At the beginning of 2015, when I was 14 years of age, I was going through a big stage in my life. I had both anxiety and depression and I felt like I didn’t want to live anymore. I felt broken, dirty, hopeless, unworthy to be yours and apart of you. I always prayed to you in some way pretty much every night for you to come help me and somehow, to save me of ending my life.
One night, I was so driven to take my life that next day, I was practicing self harm and I was planning my every move or starting to bit by bit. I remember so clearly that I prayed to you, tears streaming down my face with ancient desperation pouring out my veins, practically screaming out because I wanted so badly to somehow live, get taken out of that situation and prove to myself that I could live a happy life without consequence. Even with the touch of my angels, my arms feeling like they were drizzled in honey despite nothing being there, them touching my hand with my palms tingling away or them whispering sweet words of encouragement in my mind, it was never enough.
I felt so far away from you, myself and another part of me that was missing – that which I could never find. I used the bible, card decks, books… anything that I could find just to hold you for even a moment and nothing worked. I asked you in that moment at this time of desperation, I promised you, that if you helped me within this situation, if you could help in some way to make my anxiety and depression go away, get this feeling of emptiness or feeling of being incomplete away than I will do your will. I would serve, I would stay here in this life and do my purpose. And you did.
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You gave me the courage to go see a counselor at high school, you guided a counselor my way that would be most appropriate to meet my needs at that moment and help me with what I needed. After that night I prayed to you, I astral traveled and connected to my twin flame (which i didn’t know about at that time or anything to do with it) who helped me feel loved, cherished, valued, connected, who helped get rid of that itch, feeling of incompleteness and helped me feel whole. For once in my life, I felt home. I felt at peace and I was madly in love with life. I felt like I had a new self of self, a real purpose, a sense of me doing something big in life. I found you in those moments with my twin flame. I felt you and how everything was connected. I felt you in me and I didn’t feel lonely anymore. I felt you with me.
After that experience with my twin flame, I felt like I saw life for the first time. It was the most beautiful, thrilling and amazing experience. I just wanted to thank you for EVERYTHING that you gave me in those moments. You helped me remember who I was, you helped me find and connect to my beloved first love, you helped me get back on my own two feet when nobody would listen. You spoke to me in so many ways through things and other people when I thought you never cared for me. When every body called me stupid, pathetic, an embarrassment, an attention seeker… etc for what I was going through when I had those mental illnesses, you cured me. You saved me. You helped me get better and I wanted to thank you. You believed in me and said ‘I’m here’, ‘I love you’ in more ways than one.
There are no words that I can find that would be most appropriate for this occasion but that I LOVE YOU and I THANK YOU for saving my life. I need you to know that I love you in my own little way (even though it may be a little slower than some) and that I’d give you everything if I could because I am nothing without you. I am nothing without your roses and rivers, I am nothing without your smile and your sweet voice. I mean it. In you I find everything, all parts of me. I need you to know.
And the only thing that matters now is everything you think of me. I Love you so and dare not part with you for a moment more. I’m sorry for being broken and afraid. I’m sorry I’m not what was thought, expected or what is said. But I will find my way back to you some how. I love you, I do. And I am ever so grateful for your love.
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