Welcome to The Rollercoaster
By Annegret Braun, 06/12/2016
What do I want? Who am I? Where do I come from? What is my mission? What is my next step?
Riding questions while the wave hits continuously.
The truth is a powerful statement. There ain’t no truth – this I know as there only is illusion. All I want is learning. Knowledge. There is so much information. Reading reading reading. Where to start and when to stop. All I want is knowing. Remembering. I don’t feel like doing much. It’s not important to me. What is there to do if i don’t KNOW?
I can feel all this around. I feel your presence. I know you are here, assisting, guiding, looking after me. I’m blessed. But then again these moments of asking myself what to do. It’s about creating. What shall I create? Tell me. Guide me. I don’t know. Like George I stick around and it may show.
Honoring my feelings. I wish to celebrate myself for doing less and wanting more. For this I cut the Ego out on a daily basis. Quite practical. But there it is again. Growing so quick. Hard to find the root. Shall the ground be softened so I may pull the root ever so softly. Grabbing it with hands of a fairy. Releasing with grace, letting go like a feather.
Wishes like this may come more often.
What makes it confusing is being in between. Not here nor there. And then I was there but back again. It both feels like home but still one is missing magic. On its way I know but I want it now. I feel my soul is a million pieces just as she has wishes and seeking wisdom in a million places.
I make a wish and am guided to a channeling workshop. I meet healers. They greet me. Of course I am a healer. They tell me I am powerful. I always knew. Then there are two words: there is knowing and believing. I will heal others. Not only myself. I can help so many others. I know. I felt it. All my life. Others ARE reflecting it back to me. How can I believe this? I do believe but I lack confidence. Low self esteem is a lesson you have to master. Feeling this all my life as well. This time of void. Nothing and everything. My mind is empty as it can not grasp anything anymore. It can not go where I am now. But it’s pulling me back with these old beliefs. Who am I anyway. One man can save the world. Not me. Thank you Ego. Cutting again.
Then I meet myself in the 8th dimension. Working in a temple. I am a soul healer. Do I wish to feel the energy of home? Yes please! And suddenly I am in heaven with the face of a baby and the heart of a lion. I am myself and I am in love. The tears that come streaming down my face are the colors of a thousand rainbows. Yes I am home. This is what I wanted. This is who I am. This energy feels like riding a unicorn while flying on pegasus hitting a stream of purple love and landing in green lush moss but swimming in glory and gold.
I invite myself for a healing session within the holy waters of my divine feminine goddess nature. The purging continues. So much darkness. Will this ever end? A waterfall so dark its scaring me. It’s getting cold. Shivers coming and leaving.
I want so much. He was right. There is one question that means the world to me. Will I be able to do this? YES. The tears are back. I want to heal the world more than I want to heal myself. This is all I want. My heart beating stronger now. It’s not the whole truth. I do want more. I want to be the LOVE. I want to breathe love, taste love, sing love, make love. Be LOVED. But I am afraid. Because my heart was broken. Shall it be broken a million times more for I don’t mind if I will love again. My heart pumping light up my throat. It vibrates and hurts as it is too much all at once. I always want everything so fast. This human patience I’m learning again is a task for masters. Nothing is enough. There is always more. This is good. At least its true. Dreaming never ends.
This duality is killing me. I feel what I want. It’s really simple. The easiest thing ever. ONLY LOVE.
But I don’t know what I want. I tell myself important is not what I do. Where is my motivation? Or is it really just where is the love? Is my heart so closed? Why do I feel so strongly then? Everything? Why does it mean so much to me? My throat wants to speak out loud. Finally being who I am. What does this mean though? What am I fighting for? I was right. Where is the love it is what I need to ask. For if there would be love there would be no questions.
HOW how how? What what what? When? Who?
Love is why we are here. Love is all there is.
Not even a year ago I saw myself in love, embodying LOVE, embracing both sides inside of me. Me and you. I knew this was the answer. I knew its me and you who save the world. If there is no us there is no love. But there is always us. Even if we’re apart. We still are ONE.
Alone is what it feels like now. Sometimes. Not very often but it’s there. And it hits hard for I guess it’s what it’s meant to do to wake me up and die once and for all.
Today I felt this. I was ready to die. To leave all behind to be myself. Attachment is hanging there. Family I love you but you are the illusion. Beloved human that may sound cruel. I love you. This is what I want. Die here and LIVE.
Did you realize that your gift is to light up people? I’ve been called sunshine and the yellow girl before. It feels like as if the sun is shining. I love that. But still in my belly this thing that grows so fast and rips me apart without my permission screams quietly. Do you see how you need attention? Not always do I need to defend myself nowadays. I’m mastering the lessons slowly but surely. All feels like light speed though. Time is a confusing thing. As well as this letters that my heart spits out. No my mind. Oh well. They both love me. They serve me so well. In doing what I need to do.
It’s all about finding out. I can read whatever, however long I wish to. I can try what others did. Cause now they are happy. But I am me and I am here. This me I came to see myself.
Sometimes I’m getting angry when I ask myself why did I choose to do it all? But nothing for real? Why did I choose such difficulty? Nothing but everything? I know the answer cause I’m restless and passionately curious. I can’t stand still. I can focus but not for long. I can assist and I can motivate. I shine for you. Is this what makes me happy? Why do I not know?
Why did I choose this tricky mind? Do you have so many questions too? I know the answer again. Of course you do. It really is interesting, this confusing mind nonsense is kinda giving me peace. For mind and heart. Peace is good. Is peace happiness? At least I am motivated.
I know what I want! I want to spread my truth. To speak my truth. Embrace who I am. In all my godlike perfect imperfection humanness. It’s always two here. Who invented this? When there is only one? As soon as I am asking questions I am receiving the answer. Did you try this yet?
That means there is magic here already! This makes me smile. My shoulders sink softly too. Feels like a golden syrup flowing down my spine.
This is like I am negating all statements I made before. What does this mean in the end? That I already am love? I close my eyes and I am love in an instance. It really is that easy. Can this moment last forever please? Yes I would trade my visions for the love inside. My belly hurts again while I say this. Ego is not happy. I know it really is just scared for me for it is trying to protect me. The little Ego. I’m leaving it in Kindergarden while I remain the teacher. This seems to be about right. A soft violin listens from behind me. The sound played so very delightful is like a dream coming true as its growing wings for me while rising taking my hand and flying away with me. This is my heart. It’s me. I am holding my hand. I miss you.
Quiet it is. The sound of being in love. Whenever it feels like heaven a dark splinter isn’t far. This is my reality today. All I can do is live and take it day by day. Cause I don’t know what’s gonna be tomorrow. But I know I’ll be there. Cause this is my mission. To be here with you together. In the void of confusion. In the love of now.
Commentary from The First Contact Ground Crew 5dSpiritual Healing Team:
We are realizing that the energies are really intense NOW. Most of the Wavers are struggling with 3d illusion conditioning (social, cultural, institutional and mind programming). When you’re feeling blockage, ready to give up, understand your status as an Ascension Waver (1st, 2nd or 3rd) and be completely free of 3d illusion conditioning (social, cultural, institutional and mind programming), we can help you in your Awareness and will give you the tools and techniques to assist you Home Into The Light. We The First Contact Ground Crew are preparing everyone for a Full Planetary Ascension which has been Underway since the End of September and will spiral this year in March and Another in August. Allow us to ReHeart you that this is The Great Awakening for ALL of Humanity. One must awaken first before they can Ascend. Trusting this process is KEY, which means fully trusting and surrendering to LOVE and the Divine Plan in every moment. This is why We Will Help you to Get Ready and can Assist You into Awakening into 5d Reality, where your experience is One of Constant Joy, Wholeness of Being, Whole Health, Balanced Harmonics, Happiness and Abundance. Lets DO THIS! Together We Got This! Schedule an Amazing Awakening Session with Mother & Father of All Creation. Below by following the Link! We are Here in The Highest Love, Honor, and Respect to Be Humanity’s Representatives of The New Paradigm of True Freedom, Abundance, True Equality, A Completely Balanced Being and a Completely Benevolent Society! This is our Destiny as The Old illusion of power over and dysfunction dissolve. Allow us to be of service to You. “LOVE” has said “ALL POSSIBILITIES EXIST IN UNLIMITED THOUGHT, All possibilities of the HIGHEST Outcome for the GREATER GOOD Of ALL only exist IN THE PRESENT MOMENT OF NOW” ~For All the Details you can Follow this Link: http://www.lovehaswon.org/awaken-to-5d
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